So, hi, everybody, I’m back, finally. I know you’ve all been really missing me, (how couldn’t you, considering how cute I am?) but honestly, I’ve been kinda busy. Why too busy to talk to my followers, you might ask, if you were feeling kinda snippy? I mean, screw you, that’s why! I’ve been busy, okay?

The litter has officially hit the fan here in Leopardia. Worse, it’s really stinky and full of poo, as no one has bothered to scoop it out in, like, years. Yeah, it’s that bad.

As you might have seen with my awesome video blog thing, a small, advanced element of the Evil Robot Army of SUCKER has invaded Leopardia, and my once-beautiful nation has been enslaved. All of the Sacred Chew Toys have been plundered, and the entire Leopardian Cabinet seems to have vanished off the centre of the Earth. You know, that really expensive wooden cabinet with the varnish, the one I like to claw to pieces because I’m too chi-chi for cardboard? That one. Also, the Royal Dry Food Dishes have been stolen, and I think the robots are using them for field repairs! So yeah, I’m not in a happy mood right now. Leopardia has never suffered such a disaster, not even when the Dogopolisians invaded when I was just a kitten, or the failed catnip harvest a few years later that sent everyone into withdrawal. Seriously, that sucked majorly. I get the shakes just thinking about it.

Here’s what keeps me awake during all seven of my nap times: this is only the beginining. The truth is, there aren’t too many robots here. These are only the very first robots from the evil army – the other ones, I’m told, are on their way. So basically, my cat people, brave warriors all, got punked by the robot arm equivilant of the swim team. You know, in high school, there’s the jocks, and at the top there’s the football or hockey or basketball team, and if they beat you up (you, not me, no one in high school would have ever beaten me up. I’m trying to use terms that you under stand) you’d be like, oh okay I’m getting beat up by the cool kids but if you get beat up by the swim team? That’s embarrassing.

Anyways, I’ve been trying to free my subjects whenever I can, and from what they’ve told me, maybe I should have budgeted more towards the kingdom’s defense and less towards having really kick-ass parties. I totally disagree, of course. They tell me, the robots attacked during the Festival of St. Pouncealot, and no one was prepared to fight them because everyone was stoned off their asses on catnip. Seriously, the first thing most of my subjects did when being invaded by an evil robot army was to ask if they had any treats. Unbelievable.

Even worse, according to one of the slaves I’ve rescued, there’s giant drilling machine thing with the main robot force on the way, and that is where their leader is to. What a jerk! He doesn’t even have the dignity to be in the first wave of the omnicidal robots conquering my homeland; he’s instead coming very, very, very slowly under the Earth with more robots, like he’s taking the TTC or something. What a douchebag. I wonder who it is?

Still, that might give me some time to help launch a counterattack, before we’re all swimming in a sea of robots, what with their oily gears and hidden lasers and whatnot. After all, the robots are conquering all the animal kingdoms, not just Leopardia, so maybe I can get some help from them. They’d have to support me and my epic cuteness, even those smelly, good-for-nothing Dogopolisians, right?

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• View the original post for: Just the Tip of The Cheese
• Posted in: Leopard Woman's Blog
• Post tags: From the Desk of Mrs. L. Woman-Faultline, Leopard Woman, Leopardia, tights and fights