The rebellion has scored its first victory, and it’s all thanks to my sexy leadership. MEOW!

After Dogopolis joined us, new allies started to roll in. We have delegations here from Beaverton, Papua New Guineapig, New Equestria, Snake Mountain, Ape Mountain, Eagle Mountain, and Mole Mountain. There’s a lot of mountains around here. Walking somewhere can be pretty tiring. There used to be a Cat Mountain, but people said it had the prettiest vewi in all of Leopardia. So I had it torn down. I’m the prettiest view in all of Leopardia. By law.

We’ve even had some help arrive from the surface; RoboStretchLad and Albatraitor just showed up. Apparently Albatraitor is from Nocturnia, which is a tiny little place near Eagle Mountain. At first some of us attacked them because, y’know, RoboStretchLad is a robot, and Albatraitor is. . . Albatraitor. And… all that sqawking isn’t helping matter much either. But after I vouched for RoboStretchLad and he vouched for Albatraitor, we let them join our resistence. RobotStretchLad keeps talking about some chick, but I’ve gotten pretty good at tuning him out. I don’t even pretend to listen, like I do with other people.

Of course, having all these different factions and phylums working together is kinda chaotic. No one is willing to work with anyone else.

Fortunately, I had a brilliant plan: I would cunningly lead my forces into an ambush, forcing them to fight their way out. I knew that when the dust settled, we’d be a finely-honed team, forged in the fires of combat. I’ve seen it happen on TV all the time. I get all my best ideas from TV, unlike Major Faultline who gets all his best ideas from skin flicks.

So, with the bulk of the resistance around me, I led a march toward Cat’an. It felt a little weird to let dogs across the border, but fortunately I knew the access codes to the Invisible Fence. Six. It was six. Stupid dogs. It wasn’t hard to find a good ambush spot, since the robots are everywhere. I knew we’d find them with a direct frontal assault, so it was totally deliberate. Anyone who says otherwise simply didn’t understand my genius. For finding robots. With the front part of my army.

The battle developed quickly into a confusing mass of claws, fangs, and various defensive adaptations. I waited for someone to take command and demonstrate their leadership skills. I may or may not have been crying and/or whimpering as I did.

Eventually General Marmalade took command and sounded the signal to advance toward the nearest high ground, from which we would be able to apprise the whole battlefield. Despite what was clearly a complex plan, he gave his orders clearly and concisely: Run. Run for the hills. At least, that’s what I think that last part was. He was already running away so fast it was hard to make him out.

With General Marmalade leading us at top speed, we bravely regrouped. Bravely and, for my part, sexily. Like this. Oh, you can’t see me, but I’m doing a really sexy regroup thing. Never mind. We regrouped so hard that we were soon back on Dogopolitan soil, and safely concealed in a hidden base under the bed.

After General Marmalade’s brilliant tactical improvisation, it is my proud duty to promote him to General Pudding. That’s two ranks over Marmalade. I wanted to make sure he outranked any dogs. General Pudding will serve as the field commander of our forces, while I turn my own strategic genius to where it is best suited; I’ll be in my tent. Napping.

Oh, and making more “battle plans.” I swear, when this is all over, I’m gonna give TV a medal! And maybe General, too. If he doesn’t bother me during “Once Upon a Time.”

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• View the original post for: Leopardian War-Journal, Pt. 2: Advancing Toward Future Victories
• Posted in: Leopard Woman's Blog
• Post tags: #tightsandfights, albatraitor, Ashes, From the Desk of Mrs. L. Woman-Faultline, Leopard Woman, Leopardia, robostretchlad, Sucker, tights and fights