Beneath square-jawed Major Faultline’s tough-as-nails exterior is a square-jawed tough-as-nails interior.
But beneath that tough interior is another, softer interior that longs to be loved by his wife, Leopard Woman; and yearns to be adored by the public despite a few toppled buildings and acres of collateral damage.
Like nearly everyone else in the shared multi-verse of Tights and Fights, Major Faultline has a bone to pick with the missing Captain Euchre. After all, it was the Captain who framed him, got him kicked off Ronin Force, and got him thrown in jail during the one time of year his wife was willing to have sex! And what did Captain Euchre mean when he said “Sucker!” to the Major just prior to his disappearance? Through a series of video blogs, our scene-shaking superhero ponders this message, tries to sort of his home life, and come up with a plan to jumpstart his post-jail career. Will online marriage counseling help? Most likely not. Will destroying five city blocks in a fit of rage? Most likely not. What about accusing your wife, the only person who can get you back on Ronin Force, of being unfaithful with a fish-man? Definitely not. But that won’t stop Major Faultline.
After a close brush with a nuclear missile, the Major has become increasingly adept at time-travel. He has adventured in the ancient past and the distant future –where he saw first-hand the devastation to be wrought by SUCKER’s machinations. After battling across the galaxy aboard the resistance’s starship Jefferson, Admiral Faultline finally seems to be on his way home. His new mission: to prevent the dark, SUCKER-dominated future from coming to pass, through any means necessary!
Damm cats! I’m on your side! If only I could talk!
Then maybe they’d get my jokes.
Major Faultline discusses how he’s been spending his retirement. Apparently doing nothing all day suits him just fine. One thing’s for sure: looking for Captain Euchre is not on the agenda.
Hey there. I thought maybe I could blow off a little steam here, and no one would be the wiser. Even a super hero needs to vent sometimes. And I mean, it’s not like people actually read anything on the internet, am I right? So here I am, fresh out of the jail and right [...]
In a couples therapy session, Major Faultline and Leopard Woman address the future of their rocky relationship.
Episode: 007-LWMF-3
Major Faultline starts to rethink this whole ‘getting kicked off Ronin Force’ thing. He thinks maybe his wife is losing respect for him. Is he right?
So I’ve given this a lot of thought… Who would play me in the movie of my life? I know, it’s probablya game you all played at one point when you were younger. But you see, for me it’s no fantasy. I’m already preparing myself for talks to have my autobiography, Courage of a Lion: The [...]
My nipples are hard. It’s cold on the streets of Toronto. And my wife took my jacket. So… cold, hard nipples. Leopard Woman (i.e. The Wife) claims the jacket is the property of Ronin Force and since I got kicked out when I was framed for being a super villain, she took the jacket back. [...]
So Leopard Woman, aka The Wife, still has the jacket to my uniform. At first I thought I could do without. I mean, really, what essential service does the jacket performed? It’s just cosmetics, right? Wrong. As winter approaches, every day I’m reminded what part the jacket plays in my life. So I have a [...]
The Major gets a distressing letter from the Ronin Force selection committee, aka Leopard Woman. Her lack of empathy causes the Major to react in a less than dignified manner.
Major Faultline and Leopard Woman attempt to resolve their marital issues with their online instant messaging marriage counselor.
Sleep-deprived and high on caffeine, Major Faultline believes he may have deciphered Captain Euchre’s cryptic final words before his disappearance… you’ll never guess the verdict!
Leopard Woman has a plan to find Captain Euchre – interns. Meanwhile, Major Faultline has taken a liking to being hacked. He’s even bragging about it!
Dreaming about what my life would be like if I was normal. Like a banker. A superhero banker? NO! Just a regular banker. Life would be so sweet. How sweet? Read to find out.
Major Faultline continues to try to decipher Captain Euchre’s mysterious last words. Rumours of an underground euchre club might shed some light… if only Leopard Woman were around to round out his team. And help him with the laundry.
![robostretchlass2[1]](http://www.tightsandfights.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/robostretchlass21-150x191.jpg "robostretchlass2[1]")
Robo Stretch Lad has a girlfriend. A GIRLFRIEND! I can’t believe his taste though. She’s one ugly gal. They’re probably only together for the robot sex. Read my post to find out what she looks like.
Something fishy is going on when Leopard Woman stands up Major Faultline for their date. Tired, hungry, and kind of sketched out, Major Faultline goes home to wait. And wait.
Major Faultline’s efforts to save the city have left him with heightened cosmic awareness! Or maybe that’s just the cocktails talking…
I hope that you all receive this message, I’m working off my glove pad but from what I can tell I appear to be in some kind of old west town. Although I’m being told (very snootily) that they think of it as a ‘new west town.” Something to do with the layout of the [...]
It’s always after the fourth drink. That’s when I seem to just “slip” back into the time vortex. I now know my limit. Four. Though, as many times as I tell myself “dude, know your limit.” There’s always that one guy, be it in thirteenth century Rome or thirty third century Brazil, there’s always that [...]
Major Faultline has been on a crazy train through time and space, and he’s lived to return and explain it all to us. With sound effects.
Yes, there was hair, and glitter, and neon, and Spandau Ballet. But for me a visit to 1985 has to be all about the New Coke.
Wanna travel through time like a pro? Listen to your ol’ pal Major and you’ll do fine. Well, you’ll avoid a lot of running from people with torches and pitchforks, at least. How do they always get their hands on those things so fast?
There’s only one cure for a heart-broken robot: traveling through space and time on a pub crawl and getting stupid drunk.
I’m hungover, wasted, drunk out of my mind, and my good ol’ pal Robo Stretch Lad is missing. This is not the mind frame to be in when trying to think which place, time, space, area, what have you, where I left him! Last time I saw him we were trying to make vodka out in the middle of nowhere.
In a not-so-shocking development, Major Faultline and Leopard Woman are back in therapy. Why can’t these two crazy time-travelling everywhere-urinating kids make it work?
Thanks to the Bermuda triangle, I time traveled to another dimension; an underground city filled with mole people. I met a lot of missing people there: Amelia Earhart, Christopher Marlowe, ALF, the Philip K. Dick Robot, and the USS Cyclops. We ended up fighting the mole people and sort of winning with a feast.
So, I’m sure most of you, at least those of you don’t time travel like yours truly, haven’t had a chance to experience the wonder that is space porn. So I thought I’d offer you a little refresher – or rather, pre-fresher – on the subject. I cribbed this from the Space-a-pedia page on space [...]
I tracked down my space porn to Diamond Jubilee’s house. Little did I know it was guarded by a one month old.
I’ve drank everything. And I mean everything – I drank the existence of unicorns. Read and find out what that means.
Major Faultline’s trapped in the future with a spaceship full of monkeys. Typical.
After encountering a planet of Nazis (again) I find myself in the evil mirror universe. And I do what anyone else would do, right? Right?
Some Metro-sexual in a toga wants me to fight his big lizard. That didn’t sound as dirty in my head.
I slide across a car hood and a bunch of other cool things. Oh, and I win the fight. USA! USA!
It’s Stardate 3400.21.87 Blue Alpha. And you all know what that means. That’s right, it’s Reindeer Day. The day we celebrate what those antlered heroes sacrificed in the name of freedom. It’s quiet here in the command center of the Starship Jefferson. I gave the monkeys some planet leave so they could celebrate this most [...]
Good leaders aspire to be fathers to their men. Great leaders aspire to be wingmen to their men.
The Major’s figured out that scotch is the key to time travel (like many other things). But where can he get some?
Finally, the Major’s back to his own time – but Leopard Woman’s nowhere to be seen.
My sweet, sexy cat of a wife is in danger, and I’ve been gone to long! It’s time to shake things up, evil robots!
Damm cats! I’m on your side! If only I could talk!
Then maybe they’d get my jokes.
Copyright © 2012 Tights and Fights: Ashes. All rights reserved. A comedy series by GopherX.net
